After changing into a sterile gown and cap, I was led into the incubator room. There were a number of babies there and I was struck by how alike all of them looked. Nothing prepared me for how I felt upon sighting my baby under the phototherapy machine. I was broken to my bones. For a second, I almost turned to run out of the room, rather I stood there speechless as her heart heaved from beneath very bony rib cage. The tears welled fast and streamed down my face, super fast and I wondered if it was the same baby my husband always had the broadest of grins on his face for when he talked about her.
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